“I’M NOT ANIME!!!!!!!!” I SHOUT AS I RUN OUT MY FRONT DOOR WITH A PIECE OF TOAST IN MY MOUTH, RUSHING TO SCHOOL AS THE WIND CARRIES CHERRY BLOSSOMS FROM NEARBY TREES TO SURROUND ME IN A PINK SHIT STORM WHILE THE BIRDS CHIRP IN THEIR NESTS AND GLANCE DOWN AT MY WIND-SWEPT HAIR AND PANTING UKE EXPRESSION, ONLY TO SEE ME BUMP INTO THE ONE THAT MAKES MY KOKORO GO DOKI DOKI AND TRIP, REVEALING THE SKIRT AND PANTIES I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN WEARING.
“And obviously Katniss Everdeen should have dated both those dudes in the book rather than suffer the guilt and sorrow of having to choose just one. Let’s stop living in the 20th Century, with all its bullshit morality and monogamy. Hot people can do whatever the hell they want. Those two whatstheirnames would be like, “Aw, Katniss, but I love you so much.” And she’d be like, “If you truly loved me you’d make out with each other.” And then they would and then everything would be awesome.”—How To Write The Great American Novel | The Awl (via bloodsugarsexxmagik)
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
When something bad happens:True is it that we have seen better days.
When something REALLY bad happens:O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so:The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
When my girlfriend abandons me for food:FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them:BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
When I burn something while cooking:MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
When human stupidity frustrates me:LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins:NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
When I'm broke:My pride fell with my fortunes
When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues:OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
When someone disagrees with me:THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
When I argue with my girlfriend:The course of true love never did run smooth.
When I'm embarrassed:MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
Someone says "Good Night":Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.